Hulk no smash no more

So yeah, that last post.  Kinda intense.  This is what happens when my rage beast gets loose.  My personal beast is a dinosaur.  I was used to calling her a T-Rex but I recently learned of a dinosaur with a name that is something like suckosaurus and I think that is a better fit.  I really needed to get that out somewhere and I was hoping that by spewing all of my venom here I would refrain from spewing it at my friends.  Unfortunately, that didn't work out.  We had our cage match and everything is okay now.  I am still amazed.  From my upbringing, I was taught that if you make people mad at you or disappoint them, you can never get the relationship back.  Every mistake was a drastic end to the opinion of you held by those you love.  This whole have a fight and then apologizing and making up stuff is still fairly new to me, but very AWESOME!  Being allowed to make mistakes and then talk about what happened and why is a revelation.  In my family we don't talk about stuff.  Ever.  We get mad, we ignore each other for awhile and then we pretend it never happened.  That doesn't work for me.  Thank every higher power in existence for my friends.  I love you guys.

I am NOT always the bitch!

So I am pissed.  Seriously, royally pissed.  About something trivial and stupid and so not worth the energy I am expending fretting about it.  I am also paranoid that it might end a great friendship, or at least strain it.  Here's the story:
I am in a book club with five friends.  We have been meeting at 9:30 pm on Sundays.  Of the six of us, THREE are inconvenienced by this time, because we work early on Monday mornings.  ONE is convinced she cannot get off of work any earlier, even though she doesn't put in a request.  She just decided that her boss would say no, so she doesn't bother.  I am the only person willing to bring up the fact that we should try to have the meetings at another time, and I am told that I am mean, I am whining and I am making the ONE feel badly.  Well she should!  If you can't even be bothered to make the effort to try to get off of work earlier to compromise with your friends, YOU SUCK!  The greatest thing is, she loves to moan about how she can never have Sundays off, then she was off last Sunday.  GRRRRRRRR. 
I know, it's a tiny thing but the reason I am so angry is that, once again, I am the bitch.  She is putting her own needs above those of THREE OTHER PEOPLE but I am the bad guy.  She refuses to even try and I am horrible and making her feel bad.  Seriously?  Plus, the other two early Monday risers refuse to speak up when we are all gathered.  At other times they will talk about how it's too late and they can't do it anymore but never in front of the ONE.  So I am the bitch.  Now, I admit that I have been getting pissed and have not been nice about my recent protests.  But the last time I tried to be nice I was told to quit whining.  So if I ask nicely I am whining and if I am forceful I am a bitch.  And now she is whining on facebook about how she is tired of being bitched at.  FUCK YOU!  OMG YOU ARE NOT THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN THIS GROUP!  When three of us are saying this doesn't work you don't get to tell us to suffer! 
Okay.  Breathing now. 

I'm like a rock star!

Yeah, I got an encore request today.  For reals, y'all.  Update on the job stuff:  I am currently somewhere in the process of 4 jobs.  The perm job was supposed to have made an offer by the end of last week.  I'm gonnna go ahead and guess that the offer was not made to me.  Two are HIGH paying contracts, but I haven't gotten any feedback on either.  #1 wanted someone to start today and I had another company call about it after I'd been subbed.  Generally, this means they don't like my resume and are still looking but couldn't be bothered to tell my recruiter that they are not interested.  #2 is stalling.  Word is that at least one person involved in the decision is on vacay this week.  Last but not least is a decent paying contract I was subbed for today.  This sounds like the best set up of all three and has a decent chance of going perm.  Basically, I am all good with the Job Opportunity gods right now, but not so much with the Actually Getting Hired gods.  While I would love to get a HIGH paying job, like way high, like LOTS OF MONIES, I would settle for adequate and full time.  I'm going to try to sneak in 40 hours at my current "part-time" job this week.  That might get derailed by interviews, though.  It's a roller coaster folks, but I am glad to be riding.  No matter how stressful it gets, I just remember that last year at this time I felt stuck in a job I hated with no future.  This year I am making more money for less work AND going to school so I can has career in a year or so.  Even when I worry about the bills getting paid I still know that I made the right decision to go temp.  School is most important.  The jobs I have now are a means to an end;  that end being the career I am studying for.  In a year or two I will be happily doing a job that I studied and worked hard to get, beginning the career that will hopefully last the rest of my working life and wondering why I worried so much.

I went camping

Camping and I do not get along.  I am opposed to dirt, bugs and using the Great Outdoors as a toilet.  I do not sleep on the ground and I find sleeping bags too confining.  I am also a bug bite magnet, despite all efforts with sprays, lanterns, torches, etc.  So why did I spend my Labor Day weekend camping?  They made me.

My friends banded together in a mass effort of pleading and guilt.  Oh, wait, that was just N.  Honestly, I went camping because it wasn't really camping.  I slept in an air conditioned Airstream.  On a very comfy bed.  There were flush toilets.  I got to drive a golf cart around the campground.  This is the only type of camping in which I am a willing participant.  The campground itself was pretty awesome.  Despite a "no permanent buildings" rule, there were some pretty sweet summer homes.  One person had a sign in the front proclaiming that he is "White Trash".  Another lot included a rickety looking wooden shack featuring at least 5 non-working surveillance cameras.  The "streets" in this campground were named after long-time lot owners.  Unfortunately, from our camper the sign for Cody Pass read "COD ASS".  And then there is Trixie's Marina, also known as my favorite place in all of Kentucky.  This lovely little dive is right next to the campground and easily accessible by golf cart.  They sell snacks, soda, beer and the BEST diner food I have had in a good long while.  I had this double-decker BLT that make my tummy sing.  All of the people who work there are awesome, including "Sweetheart" who is a ringer for Albert Ingles and the owner herself (not named Trixie) who has a photo shopped pic of herself with Brad Pitt hanging above the register. 

The surrounding area is also fodder for entertainment.  The campground is located near a state park called Big Bone Lick.  I am so not kidding.  So there is a Big Bone Lick church, road, etc.  I giggled like Beavis and Butthead as we passed each sign.  There is also an area called Beaver Lick, which is home to the Beaver Lick Baptist Church.  Yup.  The campground is on Gunpowder Creek which empties into the mighty Ohio River.  Boating on that river was amazing.  So much of the land in that area is still undeveloped so it was all trees and birds.  While I really wanted to get a look at Squalor on the River, I was actually in Kentucky and across from Indiana, so no dice.  But speaking of dice, we did boat past the massive casino complex in Rising Sun.  The riverboat is only a small part of it, people.  It's HUGE.  The friends we were staying with not only own two camp lots, each with air conditioned trailer, they also rent a share in a private island on the Ohio.  So we went there too.  They are also friends with my new favorite couple ever.

Manly and Judy are the nicest, funniest, most real people I have met in a good long time.  Manly is in his 70's and Judy her 60's.  They have been married for 50 years and boy does it show.  Judy is the sweetest person you have ever met, until Manly starts in.  She gives as good as she gets and made me howl with laughter.  Manly is....  How can I describe him?  He is part good old boy, part dirty old man, and all genuinely friendly and nice guy.  I loved him so much that I wanted to bring him home with me. 

To sum up, I had an amazing weekend doing something that I didn't want to do.  Now, camping in a tent on the ground and peeing outside is still not on my list of things to do.  But this "camping" with these people in this place?  I can't wait to go back!

I am defintely older, so where's the wiser?

Today I had my second interview for a recruiting job.  Even a year ago I couldn't get these people to call me back after applying, but now they found me and I think I have a good chance of getting this job.  It's full-time, permanent with benefits and a good commission package.  I should be dancing.  Instead, I am stress eating and feeling nauseous.  I don't wanna.  My last recruiting job ended with me being fired.  I was technically laid off, but they and I knew what really happened.  I deserved it, don't get me wrong, but it HURT.  Even now, I get all stressy stomach when I think about that place.  I can't drive past it.  This new job is a different company, with different policies and people and it seems like a much happier place to be.  Yet the thought of working there still makes me a bit ill.  Is it possible to have PTSD about an old job?

Right now I am in the midst of a big ole change.  The ground beneath me is shifting and sometimes I fall down.  This is by my own choice, but it's still hard.  I know that my ultimate goal is to finish school, become a paralegal and move to Seattle.  Some days that seems easier than others.  When my financial aid for school turned out to be significantly less than expected, my plans were somewhat derailed.  Now, instead of working part-time and going to school full-time, I will have to work full-time to pay the bills.  I am still going to school full-time for fall, but I'm not sure if I'll be able to hack it.  I might have to take fewer classes which means it will be that much longer before I finish.  I feel torn.  School is my priority right now.  It HAS to be!  But a girl's gotta live, and I don't know if I can go back to the broke college student lifestyle.  I keep trying to convince myself that even if I go part-time the important thing is that I stay in school.  Part of me thinks that is a cop-out. 

NO, it's not.  Getting this degree is important to me, but I refuse to give up my life for it.  I like shopping and going out with my friends and I need to do that too.  I can do both.  It will be hard, and the faster I get that piece of paper the better, but I will live through it.  Maybe just not at the job that makes me physically ill.

Putting on my Big Girl Panties

I have a roommate.  We were friends before we moved in together and are still friends today.  Some days, that is debatable from my end.  Because I honestly love her, I don't want to be all bitchy and stir shit up.  So, instead, I let things get to me and keep them inside.  Where they fester and rot and I get madder and bitchier and one day I will 'splode.  Doc keeps telling me to just talk to her about these things, but I always chicken out.  With someone I don't know, I will step up, right in their face, and tell them what's up, but with someone I know and love, it's totally different.  I REALLY don't want to make her upset or mad or anything, but I need to make my voice heard.  It doesn't help that the last time I tried this she told me that nothing I did got on her nerves.  So then I felt like the bitch calling her out for stuff and I became the mean one again.  But I have to remember that stating my concerns in a rational, calm way is not being mean or bitchy.  I have every right to tell her when I am unhappy with things in our home.  Yelling and ranting would be bad, but opening a mature dialog is not.  I am so going to do it this time.  For reals.  I think.  [/end ramble]

I hope no one was watching

So I had a job interview yesterday and the lobby had the most horrible chairs ever!  They were low to the ground, with no armrests, covered in a slippery fabric.  As I was sitting on one of them, my phone fell out of my purse onto the floor.  I reached down to grab it and slid right off the front of the chair.  I landed on my knees on the floor.  I scrambled back up and I don't think anyone saw.  I really, REALLY hope not!

Adventures in Temping

I had the GREATEST temp job today!  It lasted a little under 5 hours but gave me so much inspiration!  It also helped to pull me out of the seriously nasty funk of this past weekend and will be adding much needed money into my pay the rent fund.  All in all, it was totally worth being woken up at 7am after going to bed at 1:30. 

So, this job was hawesome.  It was The Devil Wears Prada but with boys.  The job was filling in as an assistant to a CEO because the real assistant was stuck in airport hell somewhere.  I almost had this gig on Friday, but got bumped for someone who had worked there before.  I had been warned that this "gentleman" was "difficult to work for" which was why the job paid at least $5/hr more than the average assistant job.  This morning they offered me another $1/hr on top of that.  Hell yes I will be there!

After braving the traffic across the river into the wilds of Northern Kentucky, I arrived at the offices of The Company.  The receptionist, a delightfully gay man who was also placed through the same service, chatted with me until the HR director came to lead me to the office of said CEO.  He was not in yet, neither was the office suite's other occupant - a former assistant who served his time and got promoted.  Unfortunately, no one had the passwords for the computer I was to use, so I ended up beginning to type some notes on an iPad.  Usable keyboard, my ass!  The boss came in and was nothing but pleasant to me.  His first call was because his computer "looked funny".  I couldn't find anything wrong and neither could the tech who came in.  The tech simply closed and then restarted Outlook and CEO was happy.  Next call was for copies.  Then boss came out in search of Diet Coke.  Once I finally got into the computer, this made more sense.  The usual assistant had left a document with instructions and phone numbers that almost made me laugh out loud.  Not only was there a specific procedure for dealing with the mail, there were also notes on where to find the water and Diet Coke to fill CEO's fridge.  They were across the office from each other.  Heaven forbid he be expected to grab a Coke and put it in the fridge himself.  And we for sure would never want there to be less than 10 bottles of water cooling.  One thing that impressed me was the instruction that if either of his kids called, he was to be notified IMMEDIATELY!  Of course, I knew this because of my superior detection skills.  The instructions only gave their names.  I knew they were his kids because of certain listings in his calendar.  Yes, I snooped.  I was given access to everything and I used it.  I got into the calendar and emails and all of it.  I saw that when CEO was notified that there would be a temp this morning he asked usual assistant to request that she be cute.  For reals. 

Being a temp is awesome in so many ways, not the least of which is the access without the responsibility.  When I temp, I feel able to be myself because I don't worry about impressing everyone.  If they don't like me, whatever.  I'll be gone soon anyway.  And it seems to work.  I just got a call from my recruiter that the last company I temped for has requested me back!  It's a part-time indefinite temporary position so I can still look for other work, but I'm employed in the mean time!  I'm having a GOOD DAY!

Why I Fail As a Geek

I am not a Gamer.  I wish I could be.  I remember spending hours at a time playing Zelda on the SNES.  Ah, those glorious afternoons when you picked up a controller and came to several hours later with the sun going down and bladder full to bursting.  Good times.  But anymore I just don't get into the games like I used to.  Now I am all about downloading the free for an hour trials of hidden object games from Big Fish.  I still get into them, stay up far too late and think that the hour goes by much too quickly...  Hmm.  Maybe being a gamer doesn't mean having a PS3.  Maybe it's just about enjoying the games and losing yourself in them, whatever they may be.  And maybe I should get around to buying some games to play on the roomie's Wii.  I hear that you can get House of the Dead.  Shooting zombies in the comfort of my own living room?  Count me in.

Forgot all about it

Dude! I totally forgot that I had this blog! Today, I have stuff to say to the interwebs.

WIL WHEATON HEARTED MY COMMENT!!!!!

So I was reading WWdN:iX and he mentioned a new book by the dude that wrote Fanboys, which is such an awesome flick. So I followed the linky dink to dude's blog and it turns out he will be in the Nati on the 31st! I get to meet the guy who wrote Fanboys! And hopefully get him to sign my DVD and nook! So I had to tell Mr. Wheaton how his post changed my life and also make sure he saw the pic that Allie (http://www.hyperboleandahalf.com/) drew for Jen on Epbot. Well, he not only read my comment, he hearted it and then posted the link on twitter. So then Jen goes all squee on facebook about how Wil Wheaton linked to her blog on twitter and I was all like, yeah, I did that. I feel like I made a difference in the interwebs today. And it feels gooooood.