Today I had my second interview for a recruiting job. Even a year ago I couldn't get these people to call me back after applying, but now they found me and I think I have a good chance of getting this job. It's full-time, permanent with benefits and a good commission package. I should be dancing. Instead, I am stress eating and feeling nauseous. I don't wanna. My last recruiting job ended with me being fired. I was technically laid off, but they and I knew what really happened. I deserved it, don't get me wrong, but it HURT. Even now, I get all stressy stomach when I think about that place. I can't drive past it. This new job is a different company, with different policies and people and it seems like a much happier place to be. Yet the thought of working there still makes me a bit ill. Is it possible to have PTSD about an old job?
Right now I am in the midst of a big ole change. The ground beneath me is shifting and sometimes I fall down. This is by my own choice, but it's still hard. I know that my ultimate goal is to finish school, become a paralegal and move to Seattle. Some days that seems easier than others. When my financial aid for school turned out to be significantly less than expected, my plans were somewhat derailed. Now, instead of working part-time and going to school full-time, I will have to work full-time to pay the bills. I am still going to school full-time for fall, but I'm not sure if I'll be able to hack it. I might have to take fewer classes which means it will be that much longer before I finish. I feel torn. School is my priority right now. It HAS to be! But a girl's gotta live, and I don't know if I can go back to the broke college student lifestyle. I keep trying to convince myself that even if I go part-time the important thing is that I stay in school. Part of me thinks that is a cop-out.
NO, it's not. Getting this degree is important to me, but I refuse to give up my life for it. I like shopping and going out with my friends and I need to do that too. I can do both. It will be hard, and the faster I get that piece of paper the better, but I will live through it. Maybe just not at the job that makes me physically ill.
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I think it's possible to have PTSD about an old job. Even though I knew that getting laid off was a bad thing, financially, it still felt as if I were being let out of prison. Now I'm trying to bang on doors and find a new prison to let me in. I'm hoping for a minimal security prison with cute guards and the occasional day off.
ReplyDeleteGood luck!
Yes, definitely. There's a bus I sometimes take that goes by the building where I had my "outgoing package" negotiation talks, and for awhile it was weird going past there. But the feeling passes. Also, I developed some insecurities from my last job that I had to work through and get over. Meh! But I've started a new one now, and it's time to let go of the past and be Betty again. :-)
ReplyDeleteHow are you feeling since the interview? We need an update post!