Eating Myself to Death

I have been having some health issues recently, culminating in back pain so intense that my doctor initially thought it was kidney stones.  It was not.  It was degenerative disc disease, fatty liver, and enlarged, inflamed lymph nodes.  All of these conditions are directly caused or exacerbated by my weight.  When I went to the doctor's office last week, I weighed in at 317 pounds.  That was dressed, but no shoes, so maybe I'm more like 316.  I'm 5'5", 33 years old, and I weigh over 300 pounds.  My weight is having a direct negative effect on my health and my lifestyle.  I prefer to stay in, spending far too many hours on my couch in front of the TV.  When I do go out with friends it's often food related - out to dinner or lunch - and rarely healthy.  I exercise only rarely, excusing myself with the fact that I have two jobs and little time.  I eat horrible food which I think tastes good, often in very large quantities.  I am pretty sure that I have binge eating disorder.  I never admit the amount of food that I eat to anyone, even my "tell everything to" friend.  I am prediabetic and on medication for it.  I am clinically depressed and on medication and in therapy for that.  I am single, live alone in a house I bought two years ago and now can't afford with two kittens I adopted a week after my last cat, my companion for 7 years, died of a mystery neurological disorder.  Its April now and so far this year my cat died, I had my heart checked out, found out it was slightly enlarged, was put on medicine for the prediabetes because I failed to lose weight, my refrigerator died, my furnace went out, and now I'm having my current health issues.  My life is falling apart all around me and I know that my weight is the main cause.  Of almost all of it.  I am perpetually broke.  I barely make enough to cover expenses, even at two jobs, and then I waste money I don't have on food.  Fast food, ordering pizza, buying snacks while at my second job at a grocery store.  I sometimes feel like everything in my life revolves around food and I can't make it stop.  I've done Weight Watchers twice, myfitnesspal, fitbit, Loseit, and made a couple of very brief forays into Couch to 5K.  I really don't think that program is designed for people who are very obese.   I have been steadily gaining weight for years and just can't seem to stop myself.  Several times I have looked at myself and realized I was fatter than I've ever been, only to be another size bigger a few months down the line.  I remember when I was a size 14 and thought I was fat and my now size 24 self cries about how I wish I was fat like that.  I MUST make changes in my life.  I know this, but I just don't do it.  I think there is a part of me that is suicidal and sees the food and the weight as a slow but steady death march.  Which is true.  If I don't lose weight, I'm only going to get sicker and sicker and someday be 600 pounds in an electric scooter on disability.  I cannot let that happen.  I have to get this shit together before I waste what little life I will have left as a fat lump.  Maybe having a place to get thoughts together will help.  That's what I'm hoping, at least.  Wish me luck.